“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
I have heard more than one person say lately that it’s the “who” that you are “being” , not the “what” that you are “doing” that creates the results you get. This is true whether its at work, in life or -I think – mostly in love.
In the world of HR and OD that I have been in and still frequent, I often hear references to the distinctions between “being” versus “doing” and how they relate to the difference in the kinds of results each produces or the kinds of results that are produced one without the other. The teachers and believers of authentic leadership development – of which I am one- understand that who we are being is what we ultimately create. It stands to reason then, that the higher level of consciousness we choose to operate from, then the higher level of outcome we create.
Yet, this seemingly basic understanding still eludes so many of us. We so easily slip into using anger, or fear, or controlling, or competitiveness or whatever the corporate or social culture has programmed us to use to get what we seek. And then we wonder why at this level of “being” we wind up creating more of the same. Not getting what we say we want. Or not as powerful as it could have been. Sometimes, maybe it looks like we did, but upon closer inspection there is usually a cost. And not a pretty one. Bruised egos. Burn out. Lack of purpose. Hurt feelings. Drudgery. Betrayal. Ethical transgressions. Or, if not now, somewhere down the road the price gets paid. Numbers and bottom lines, and material manifestations are not the only indicators of our success nor the most important ones. Sometimes they even mask a deeper truth. Or cause us to be misguided in the quest to achieve them.
I started to think about this concept and how it related to my own life apart from work. In February, I made a choice to marry a man that lives 3000 miles away. For a number of reasons neither of us were able to move across the country at this time in our life. But we made the decision to marry anyway. Many people have asked me why we would do that? I don’t know that I have always had a good answer. But the true answer is we got married for love. And we put our faith in the knowing that our love would show us the way. Plain and simple.
Soon after we married, we decided as man and wife we “should” “figure out” how to live together and that it needed to happen soon. Mostly me since I was the one telling myself that I HAD to make decisions about employment and mortgage expenses and health challenges and HAD to have a PLAN lest my life crumble before my eyes. He was already retired and still had children living at home so there was less for him to “settle”. Or so I told myself perhaps not wanting to admit to some neuroses and need to control on my part. (Who me?)
In the ensuing months we struggled, fought, withdrew, pursued, pushed, blamed and created a tsunami strength’s level of frustration over trying to “figure out” how to be together. At least I did. Suddenly we looked up and we saw that tsunami’s commanding wave of energy heading right our way determined to decimate the energy of love and faith that had brought us together. However, the build up of this energy, bent on destroying us and destroying Love itself, was not created by some supernatural force of an earthquake out at sea, but by one we ourselves created in our own backyard.
Having been reminded about the notion that who we are “being” is what creates the results of our life, I started to look at who I was “being” in my relationship with this man that I love to create the very opposite of what I set out to. I realized I had been so attached to “outcomes” and controlling them through any means possible, that I forgot about how to “be”. Be what? Why, be “Love” of course. Maybe I just never learned how. I started to feel myself shift in the understanding that detaching from the “outcome” is really the only way to any outcome, if there ever really are any “outcomes” at all since I’m beginning to think more and more that all there is, is constant evolution.
In the wake and retreat of the tsunami a new reality appeared. I don’t have to have all the answers or maybe any answers at all. ( I don’t? ) And it doesn’t have to “look” a certain way one way or the other. ( It doesn’t? .) Nothing has to be “figured out”. There are no “shoulds”. The only template I need to follow is what my heart, my soul, my intuition and the Universe tells me. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. No one. After receiving their guidance is the best time to then use this beautiful machine that is my mind to carry out their wishes. In so doing, I use it instead of it using me.
And if in this process I choose to “be” Love instead of anger, fear, jealousy and blame then guess what – that is exactly what I can expect to create!
It really is THAT simple.
For a long time I think I measured how much love there was in my life by how much of it I was getting. And often in my quest to “get it”, sometimes somewhat desperately, my way of “being” has been arguably not so pleasant to others and/or self-deprecating to myself. I’m seeing more and more that love is not about what we “get” – at all. It is only about what we give and how we give of ourselves. And, in doing so, I’m pretty sure that we can’t help but receive Love too. Its impossible not to.
I don’t know why it takes 54 years to learn this. It’s a truth that we are born knowing then unlearn somehow. But, I think I AM learning. Learning how to “be”. Mostly, learning how to “be” when loving another human being, especially one that is a partner in life and love, but also with my children, my parents, my friends, the check out person at the grocery store. And yes, even at work. Maybe mostly at work. Coming from LOVE does not undermine the bottom line. It enhances it.
I’m not perfect at this “being love” thing yet by any means – I’m sure my husband, children, friend and parents would vouch for that. But I am awake. And learning about and loving “Being Love”